


The Stars and the Ocean

by Barmit_Rombama



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Child Abuse, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugged Sex, Eating Disorders, Forced Relationship, M/M, Self-Harm, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 21:03:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1832212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Barmit_Rombama/pseuds/Barmit_Rombama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE TAGS, THESE ARE WARNINGS AND I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO YOU GUYS SO PLEASE PLEASE DON'T READ IF THOSE THINGS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU!!!!! </p><p>Even at the early age of four, Castiel was different. He preferred coloring quietly in the corner while everyone else was playing tag. He likes that you could take crayons and make a rainbow even if the sky is clear. He liked that he could draw a family with a beautiful house in the background and pretend that it was his. He liked that he could draw himself with wings and pretend to fly off away from his family, because even at the early age of four he knew he hated his current one. </p><p> Cas's life has been tough since day one but he had had Dean by his side to help him through it all, until Dean lets the way people see him come before Cas and their friendship dissipates. Castiel starts doing unhealthy things to help him forget and cope.  </p><p>This story is mainly Castiels life but does lightly dabble into Deans as well. Eventual Destiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Childhood can be a Challenge

**Author's Note:**

> Its going to be slow slow updates unfortunately. I have a lot of it mapped out, but i'm attending drivers ed right now so i need to focus on that but in July it should pick up i'm not sure how long this is going to be. In the beginning, it's going to go really quick, but that was my intention, i wanted just a brief background history, the story actually start starts in his sophomore year. that's all happy reading. This is has not been overlooked for corrections by any outside parties so if there are any mistakes feel free to leave a comment about it and i'll try to fix it ASAP.

Even at the early age of four, Castiel was different. He preferred coloring quietly in the corner while everyone else was playing tag. He likes that you could take crayons and make a rainbow even if the sky is clear. He liked that he could draw a family with a beautiful house in the background and pretend that it was his. He liked that he could draw himself with wings and pretend to fly off away from his family, because even at the early age of four he knew he hated his current one.

Castiel sat in his usual corner with his usual crayons. But after last night in his house with his family, nothing felt usual. He looked down at his paper contemplating what to draw today. He finally decides he wants a new family so he's going to draw a new family. He draws a boy that could be his age and another the same age. One has dark brown hair that’s short and the other with slightly shaggy hair that’s a lighter brown and decides on the names Dean and Sam. He looks down at the paper and sighs wishing that they could be real. He could finally have a friend or at least he could have a family. Cause heck even that would be better than what he's got now.

At the end of the day Castiel walked the three blocks to his house. Before he even walked up to the house he could hear his parents yelling. He already knew he was going to get no sleep.

"God dammit Claire! I’m so sick of you always doing this!" Castiel’s father yells throwing his empty beer bottle way to close to Castiel who just walked in the door.

"Watch the fuck out Jim you hit him the school will get nosy!" 

“oh go to hell!" 

"Living with you makes me think I’m already there!"

Castiel ran up the stairs, into his room and onto his bed. He put a pillow over his head trying to drown out the yelling and crashing and the inevitable crying that was soon to come. he knew his efforts were all in vain. Every night he tries the same old trick knowing it wouldn't work but he's only four and he's doing a really good job of not crying.

 

 

Castiel was once again in his corner, drawing his family this time with a car behind them. The idea of being able to leave, drive away at anytime. being able to go anywhere, it excited him to say the least.

"Alright class we have two knew kids joining our group!" Their group leader Ellen says. Castiel’s ears perked up. 

“Say hello to Dean and Sam. Now give them a warm welcome!"

Castiel’s head shot up and he couldn't believe his eyes. He looked back down at his paper realizing that even if they were real why would they take an interest in him? He’s just the school loser.

"Hi, I'm Dean Winchester this is my brother Sammy!" Dean says walking close to Castiel, "why are you all by yourself?" he asks, head tilting to the side.

"I'm going to go play tag with Ben." Sam says running off to play with the other kids.

"The o-other kids don’t l-like me much." Castiel says barely above a whisper.

"Why not?" says dean kneeling down right next to Castiel.

"Why are you talking to him?" Ben sneers as if Dean was committing the biggest crime of the century.

"Because he's all alone and he looks sad." Dean says like it's the simplest question he's ever been asked.

"That's because we leave him alone, he doesn't like tag, he's a wimp." Ben says dragging Sam back outside, Sam not putting up much of a fight.

"It’s ok if you don't like me Dean, no one really does." Castiel says going back to slowly drawing.

“I do like you, I wanna be friends with you," Dean says with a beaming smile," what’s your name?"

"Castiel."

"Can I call you Cas?" Dean asks quietly

"Like a n-nickname?" Castiel manages to say, " I've never had a nickname before, well not a good one anyway."

"Can I watch you color?" Dean asks

Cas hands him a piece of paper and sprawls his crayons out on the ground in front of them.

"You can color too." Cas says an audible gasp coming from Ellen who stands not too far behind him.

"What?" Castiel asks her afraid a bruise is showing or something.

"I don't think you have ever talked to another kid let alone let them color with you!" Ellen says in a breathy tone. Cas lets out a quick sigh, the secret still safe.

"Me and Cas here are gonna be the best-est of friends, I just know it!" Dean says smiling stupidly toward Ellen

"We are? I've never had a friend..." Cas whisper's sadly 

"Well now you have a BEST-EST friend!" Dean shouts excitedly 

Cas doesn't know what to say, so he just looks down at his paper a blush creeping on to his cheeks.

 

~ 8 years later~

Cas was still sat in a corner, school has been hell and add that to his at home problems how could you blame the kid. Six years of Hell and it's been tough but Dean stayed true to his word about being best friends, but Cas didn't want to burden Dean with his home life, so he kept quiet. They only went to Dean’s house to hang out. Dean’s house was nice no one yelled or threw glass bottles at you. Dean’s guardian Bobby was cool, teaching him and Dean how to fix up cars and they had pie. All in all you would think Dean and Cas were joined at the hip

"Hey Cas!" Dean yells as he enters the room smiling fondly at the boy. But then it happens. The room fell dead silent. 

"Oh my god, I can't believe he's still talking to Gay-lord."Ben whispers a wave of chuckles ripping through the room.

Dean slows to a stop his smile fading to nothing before taking a seat as far away from Cas as possible. Cas tries his best to not take it personally he really does. But he could not muster the strength to keep tears from forming in his eyes. But he doesn't let them slip out, he simply bites his lip 'till he tastes blood and blinks them suckers back. He makes the mistake of glancing at Dean

"I'm so sorry" Dean mouths. But Castiel just nods and looks back down at his desk. His nails dig into his forearm as he tries not to cry. He tries a little too hard and his nails are suddenly breaking skin. He simply gasps, who would have thought that this was only the start to a nasty habit. Dean looks at him and sees that he's bleeding. "Are you alright?" dean mouths. But Castiel simply shrugs and looks out the window. 

On the way home that day Cas realizes just how dependent he had become. Without Dean there walking the now five blocks to his turn, cracking jokes about anything and everything, he started thinking which has proven dangerous in math’s where he thought too much and now he had a matching set of red crescent shaped marks on his thighs. He liked the way they burned rubbing against the denim of his jeans. But he knew he would be in trouble after his mom saw the ten nail shaped blood stains on his best pair of pants.

Dean trailed about a block behind Cas. He looked so sad it made him want to vomit. He felt so freaking bad about what he did. But image was everything. Instead of taking his usual turn he followed Cas home. To be honest it scared the hell out of Dean when he heard yelling coming from the house Cas had just entered. But what scared him more was the second Cas closed the door there was the sound of who he assumed was Cas's mother yelling "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR GOOD JEANS!?" , shattering glass and Cas screaming . It scared Dean so much he ran all the way home and to be honest he didn't think he would ever look at Cas the same.

Cas was right, his mother had instantly saw the stains, made some more, and sent him to his room without supper, not that that was rare. Cas sat on his bed he felt like throwing up and jumping out of a moving car all at the same time. But he just moved so he could look out the window and prays that mama will pack a lunch for tomorrow. Today during lunch he had to sit in the bathroom with his feet off the ground, so people wouldn't "get nosy" as mama always says, god knows no one cares so he doesn't see the point but whatever he doesn't want mom and dad getting mad. 

The first thing Dean did when he got home was go straight to his room. He felt sick to his stomach. No one could get him out not even Bobby, that is until, of course, some one brought up pie. But when he got downstairs everyone started asking about Cas since he always comes around and just his luck, it was blueberry pie Cas's favorite and suddenly Dean felt dizzy and he sat on the couch for a few minutes trying to see straight . When he finally stopped seeing double, he cried. He cried for hours. No one knowing what to do since this was the first anyone has seen Dean cry since the time in first grade where he cried over a dead bird, which he has sworn everyone who knows about it into secrecy.

Middle school went by worse than anything Castiel had ever known same stuff but no best friend or even friend in general to talk about it. 

 

~Freshman year of high school~

Cas was once again sat in the back of the room a ring of empty desks surrounding him. I mean who dares sit by the Emo druggie. Nobody that’s who. The itch at Cas's wrist's becoming more of a burn than an itch. Dean walked into the room.

"Hey Gay-lord how you doing?" dean asks Cas.

Cas knows better than to answer Dean’s rhetorical question.

"What’s the matter freak cat gotchya tongue?"

A large wave of chuckles ripples through the room.

Dean leans on his palm that he has set on Cas's desk.

"Careful Dean don't want to catch his disease!" Jo shouts from the front of the room earning another laugh after Dean dramatically rips his hands from Cas's desk wiping his hand on his leather jacket, a disgusted look on his face, the same look his dad gives him when he even tries to speak up.

The itch at Cas's wrists spreads to his thighs. But thankfully the teacher walks in and Dean Walks away. 

Who would have thought that Cas's only friend would become his biggest bully.

Dean literally had to stop breathing and count down from 20 in order to not throw up, because god was that awful, he saw the way Castiel started scratching at his thighs and wrist a dead giveaway if you ask him but to be honest he wanted throw himself off a building. Cas looks like he hasn't eaten in a month and he’s trying his hardest to forget about it but his mind is far gone at this point. 

Dean felt bad;yet, freshman year went by just like 8th grade. Dean picks on Cas, Cas falls too fast for anyone to catch.


	2. THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE IM SOOOOO SORRY

alright so its been soooo long since I've updated and i don't know when the next time i update will be but a lot has happened and im going through a lot right now i was going to begin writing again at the beginning of November but this last week my cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer and i need to be here for her right now also i have received some messages and no i do not have any affiliation with tumblr user BarmitRombama my name is Kylee and i saw that user name and i thought it was cool i have messaged her about it and she said it was fine


	3. This is once again not an update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys

alright so its been over 500 days since i updated and to say im sorry wont cut it. um basically my cousin passed away after an extremly rough battle with breast cancer and i was diagnosed at the begining of last winter. ive been in and out of the hospital ever since and stuff isnt looking too good for me right now, if anyone wants to taje what ive written and continue it just leave a comment or something. sorry for the mistakes im really sick right now. i luckily have an extremly supportive family and friend group so hopefully this site will see more of me. sorry again. i hope you guys understand.

**Author's Note:**

> Its going to be slow slow updates unfortunately. I have a lot of it mapped out, but i'm attending drivers ed right now so i need to focus on that but in July it should pick up i'm not sure how long this is going to be. In the beginning, it's going to go really quick, but that was my intention, i wanted just a brief background history, the story actually start starts in his sophomore year. that's all happy reading.


End file.
